“But easy’s like, who cares? Easy’s like, how much is easy going to get you?”
-Anne Lamott

I’m a self-declared homebody. I’m also an unashamed introvert. I need time to myself to recharge and feel fully human again – to brush off the morning I woke up feeling depressed and had to drink three cups of water in quick succession to get my body going, to stop dwelling on that one thing I said on Tuesday about something so unimportant that I’m the only one still thinking about it, to start again. And I love having my own space. After a long day at work, I like coming home to a space I inherently know is my own – a place that feels like, and is, a home. And yeah, I like curling up in my free time with a book or with Netflix. All of this soothes my very heavy and needy anxiety. It calms me.

Now, pack all of this into two suitcases and a backpack and move it all across the world to a foreign country for 10 months. I know, sounds impossible, right?

It’s safe to say that (after almost three months) I’m finally starting to feel settled. My apartment is becoming home. My roommates have adjusted to the fact that, sometimes, I’m too overwhelmed to communicate beyond hellos. I’ve started to feel comfortable in a city that, for a long time – even before I decided to move here – was little more than a line in a prayer, a place to visit next Pesach.

And now that Jerusalem is home (a phrase I never thought I’d have the privilege to write), now that I’m starting to feel comfortable, I’ve realized this:

It’s not supposed to be easy.

This probably sounds silly. Duh, Emily, why did you ever think moving across the world to a place where there will be a language barrier, a cultural barrier, and the like would ever be easy?

But that’s not what I mean. Because no one in their right minds would think any of that would be easy. I don’t mean easy in terms of simplicity of logistics. I mean easy in terms of emotionally, intellectually, and ideologically.

What I mean is that an opportunity like this – to live in Jerusalem, have a fellowship, work within the government is supposed to be challenging. It’s supposed to have felt odd and difficult at first.

Because if we don’t push ourselves out of these comfort zones, if we don’t search for anything beyond our satisfying little boxes, if we don’t move beyond our lane, we will never grow. 

A program like this forces you to look at the world, and all its inhabitants, more intensely, and in a new light. We are all looking at our own views and opinions more closely – whether that is spurred on by each other, our internship placements, or our speakers – and whether or not our views change is irrelevant because at least we’re listening.

I find myself looking more critically at the world. My friends and I have conversations that shift from Israeli politics, to US politics, to what’s new in American football, to religion, and back again – something that simultaneously makes my head spin and impresses me. I wake up every day with a new conviction to change something.

So, okay. I’m ready for more challenges. I’m ready to push myself. I’m ready to step even further outside of my box.

Bring it on.

.שׁלום